I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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