she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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