You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
