i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
So much Jack, so little girl.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
