i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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