So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
As shirtless as possible
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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