I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
