What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
