i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
