Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
