you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
