the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
