Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
