I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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