Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
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