I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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