I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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