You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
