This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
