Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Randomize
