Your face is a jimmy john
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
this is an emotional support booty call
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
