I think my vagina is haunted
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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