your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
