She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
