apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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