Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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