it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
