2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
