bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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