I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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