We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
