I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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