You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
