my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
