We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
