just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
