Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
He has the fingertips of a God
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