I can text with my tongue
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
