How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
