Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
