Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
