Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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