when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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