I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
