i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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