Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
