I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
