i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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