battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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