he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
