Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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