He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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